Should You Be Friends With Your Ex? (Dangers Of The "Friend Zone")
According to Psychologists, Staying Friends With Your Ex-Partner is the Worst Idea Ever
How to Stay Friends with Your Ex. Breakups are hard. Losing the companionship of your ex is part what makes breaking up so difficult, especially if you were friends before you started dating. This article will teach you how to determine. 20 Jan I went to a dinner party at a friend's place recently and was surprised to see her ex-boyfriend among the guests. Even more surprising: He was with his new girlfriend. Afterward, I asked my pal, “What's it like to spend time with him now that he's with someone else?” Her answer: “Whatever romantic feelings I. 20 May Is staying friends with your ex a bad idea? It depends on why you're doing it.
He was with his new girlfriend.
Can Exes Be Friends?
The experience made me think about the vastly different approaches women take when it comes to exes. Others stay tight, even to the point of sharing a candlelit dinner with him and his new love.
Where you fall on this spectrum depends on a variety of factors. Mainly, though, the choice of whether or not to keep an old flame in your life, and to what degree, hinges on the reasons for the breakup in the first place.
Breakups hurt — they just do.
Your ex might be confused about your intentions if you're not perfectly clear with him about what you want. Part 3 Quiz Why is a coffee shop a good place to meet your ex? Get Listed on Psychology Today.
Even if you initiated the split, there are so many mixed feelings involved that attempting to shift into the friend zone without first stepping back for a bit is almost always a bad idea.
In my practice, I tell patients to think of a breakup the way you would think of a wound: It requires time and TLC in order to heal.
Same as with that wound, you need to allow your relationship to become a part of your past before attempting a friendship. Since each situation is unique, the exact length of time is something you need to determine for yourself. And during the hiatus, it helps to have new experiences and, interestingly, to recount to people how your relationship ended. And it makes sense, since often the romantic aspect of a relationship simply does not work, yet a deep connection remains. If you desire a friendship with an ex, first figure out exactly what you value in him and what part of your connection you hope to preserve.
Sure, the notion of a friendship sounds easy and evolved, but things can get very tricky the moment one of you moves on to another relationship. Besides, how you act on that feeling is what matters. Welcoming her into your life with a smile? Your ex is now This move is a miss on two levels. How replaceable am I? Does he still care?
Hope for their happiness in love as they hope for yours. This phase is key in learning to separate the relationship from the friendship, and gives both you and your ex enough time to grieve the breakup. It's difficult for anyone to suddenly view someone they used to love as a mere platonic friend. After that we spoke on the phone for minutes and he was cold and cruel, said it is over between us and there is nothing to talk about.
The person you just cut ties with should not be the one nursing you through your pain. You need support, but get it from your besties. The end of a relationship requires clarity.
A new relationship deserves dignity, and you need a fresh start. Esther Perel is a sex and relationships therapist, the best-selling author of Mating in Captivityand a consultant for the hit showtime series The Affair.
Her TED talks on desire and infidelity have been viewed more than 14 million times. Click here to subscribe to the digital edition. Type keyword s to search.
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How to Stay Friends With Your Ex
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